Day 30

Today, on my birthday, I worked longer hours than I ever have before. I didn't even get home until my birthday was over. I only turned twenty-four, but today I became a man.

Day 29

Instant classic.

Day 28

I once told my father about a Jewish law that I heard. Apparently, if a person sees his father and his rabbi both drowning at the same time, and he can only save one of their lives, then the person is obligated to choose his rabbi. My father calmly responded, "Josh, all I can tell you is that if that ever happens, and you choose to save the rabbi... then you better HOPE I drown."

This has been a true story.

Day 27

I AM SO LAME!

Day 26

This is easily the dumbest post I've ever made.

Day 25

Heard the following outgoing message today:

"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice-messaging system: Five, One, Six. Five, Seven. Six, Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven."

(You either get it or you don't.)

Day 24

Ah, baseball. The ultimate spectator sport. Even for those who are playing.

Day 23

10,000 taxi cabs in this city, and I have to get into the one with a dyslexic driver. He passed right by my apartment on 79th street... and took me all the way to 97th. Oh, and the cross street was Riverdise. Eventually, he gets to the correct building, but guess what? He forgot to turn on the meter the whole time! Which is problematic because I need a receipt to get compensated by work. "Don't worry," he mumbles, "I'll make you one." Then we negotiate over how much the ride should cost. Though, it's not any kind of negotiating I've ever done. "How 'bout twelve," he suggests. "Sure thing," I say, "does that include tip?" "Oh, with tip... how 'bout... ten?" Um. What just happened? Is the tip going to be negative two dollars? Does he think that HE'S supposed to tip ME? "Let's stick to twelve," I mutter, "You probably need it more than I do."

Oh, one more thing, and I swear this part is true: he gives me the receipt, and the year is filled in as "2097." I point out his mistake, and he gives it back to me, this time filled in as 2077, which is closer, granted, but still not the actual date. I ponder asking him what the world is like in the future, whether I wind up as a famous rock star, etc., but I ultimately decide that the humor would be lost on poor Gerry. Or, make that, poor Reggie.

Day 22

Day 20

While others simply chose to sit
I jumped right into the moshpit
who all got really into it
so I got punched and kicked and bit
and thus when Offspring played a hit
I muttered silently, "Oh shit."

Day 18

You know who has power? The guy who writes those descriptions on the menus at Prime Grill. Man, that guy could sell anything. He could sell shoes to a man with no feet... or feet to a man with no shoes, either way. I was stuffed to the brim after my twelve and a half oz. McSteak today, but then - the dessert menu came. First item: "Warm chocolate cake." Okay, that doesn't sounds SO great - OR DOES IT!?!?! Read on, my friend; the italics shall be your downfall. A moist slab of pure goodness; includes distilled rum coating, sweet cream topping, and rainbow sprinkles. You'll have cocoa butter seeping out of your pores! (I may have made some of that up.) Where was I going with this? Oh, right that guy can sell anything.

Day 17

Happy Birthday